Pronouns and body parts: What to say and not to say when speaking to a trans person

It’s transgender awareness month. The month was created to help increase understanding about transgender people and the issues members of the community face. This week, we’re focusing on the trans community in Florida in a series we’re calling Beyond Gender. We’re looking at issues from healthcare to housing and jobs. But also, the joy and resiliency of the community that helps them overcome obstacles. 

According to the Human Rights Campaign, there’s a one in three chance that you personally know someone who identifies as trans.

But, if you have questions – and we know you do – we talked to several people in the trans community who wanted to share their experiences and how you should think about them and interact with them. Think of it as trans 101.

There are more than 110,000 people in Florida who identify as transgender, including some 16,000 between the age of 13 and 17, according to figures from the UCLA Williams Institute.

Tatiana Williams is a Black trans woman in her 50s who started her transition as a teen three decades ago.

“This is me. Despite how anybody felt about it, I knew that when I was transitioning, this was it. And, it just made me feel comfortable…I never went back," Tatiana said.

Now, Tatiana helps others who are on their journey. 

“A lot of people feel that living your life authentically, being the person that you wanna be, may go against a lot of values," Tatiana said. "May go against things in their religious beliefs. So, they just may feel like we don't exist. Some people feel like it's just something that we created within our own community and not understanding this is people's lives, this is how we feel, this is how we navigate."

But to better understand, you need to start with the basics. The definition of a trans person is when someone’s gender identity doesn’t align with the gender they were born into.

“So just waking up every day as a transgender person and the masses don't understand who you are. That in itself is a challenge," Tatiana said.

A trans woman is someone who was assigned as male at birth but who lives and identifies as a woman. 

A trans man is someone who was assigned as female at birth but who lives and identifies as a man. 

Others may describe themselves as non-binary. “Binary” means having two parts. In this case, male and female. Nonbinary describes genders that don't fall into the two sex categories. Also, some trans people take hormones or have surgery as part of their transition, others may change their pronouns and appearance. 

While conducting an interview with NBC6, Camille Lewis, Executive Director of Color N Raw, asked me: “So what do you see in front of you? I will ask you this question. What do you see in front of you?" and I responded, “I see a woman."

“Very good. My pronouns are she, her and hers. I dress how I want to be addressed. And that's basically how my trans brothers and sisters identify," Camille said.

Color N Raw is an organization created in 2016 to cater to the needs of Black LGBTQ+ youth facing homelessness.

“And it takes a lot of finding yourself and being happy with self," Camille said. "Even when I, even by me having the support of my family, I still had to be happy with Camille. And I had to find myself and I had to be happy with Camille because you find yourself wanting to do everything, to please everybody, to keep to continue that acceptance."

So we asked Camille what is the best way to have a conversation with a trans person.

"Just like you and I. Exactly. We don't need any special language. There is no code. There is no hand signal. There is no colloquialisms that you need to use. There is no specific words that you need to use," she said. "Just like you and I are have an engaging conversation. This conversation is comfortable. It's respectable. You're asking questions without judgment. It's about tone and timing."

Camille says if ever in doubt, just talk to a trans person like you would anybody else.

“If you're going to talk to me, talk to me because you're intrigued to know Camille for Camille. Or you are trying to know that person for that person there?" Camille said.

Jazmine McKenzie with the McKenzie Project agrees that you should enter into a conversation without judgment. And pronouns are important.

“They're, they pronouns and how they want to be addressed," Jazmine said.

What’s not okay is “calling people by their dead name, misgendering people and assuming. A lot of times people assume, but it's not good to assume," Jazmine said.

She added it’s also inappropriate to ask about one’s body parts.

“I think a lot of people will get the whole misconception about genitals where they feel like genitals define who you are as a person. And I tell people all the time, like my genitals doesn't define who I am," Jazmine said.

Trans people are human. Whether you understand trans or not, they are people. People who want to be treated with the same amount of dignity and respect as anybody else.