Former Miami-Dade Police Director Alfredo "Freddy" Ramirez credits his wife with saving his life and discusses his emotional journey of recovery in his first interview since his suicide attempt over the summer.
Ramirez spoke with NBC6's Jackie Nespral for an exclusive interview to recount the moments he tried to take his own life, what led up to the fateful event, and what's next for him.
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WATCH HEREHe also showed off the wound he received that left him without his right eye, which he said is a permanent reminder of what he almost lost.
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The suicide attempt happened back on July 23. Ramirez had been attending the Florida Sheriff's Association's annual summer conference at a Marriott hotel in Tampa when officials said he'd been involved in an incident with his wife, Jody.
Ramirez left the hotel and was driving south on Interstate 75 in Hillsborough when he pulled over and shot himself, authorities said.
Ramirez's Family
Local
Ramirez, who credits Jody with saving his life after she grabbed his arm as he allegedly shot himself, was asked how his family was doing.
"We are a strong family and we're persevering as one through this. That's why I'm here today," Ramirez told NBC6. "Jody saved my life. And my kids are my life, my whole family, she and them. And that's what keeps me going."
The Suicide Attempt
Ramirez was also asked about the suicide attempt and what happened that night on the side of the highway.
"It seems like if you were trying to take your own life, there have been many rumors, many reports out there. But only you can tell us what really happened. What led up to that horrible day?" he was asked.
"You know, my memory is still a little shadowy in terms of that day, but I do remember having a great day, even the day before, my wife and I came up the day earlier, we were going to the sheriff's conference. We were having a great day. And then, you know, things started to happen," he said.
According to incident reports, an unknown witness had seen Ramirez arguing with his wife outside the hotel before Ramirez pulled out a gun and either put it to his head or in his mouth and allegedly said, "I'm going to end it all today."
Hotel security was alerted before officers responded to the hotel and were led to the 12th-floor room where Ramirez and his wife had gone, the reports said.
Police body camera video showed Ramirez being placed in handcuffs before he and Jody were questioned. He was ultimately let go, and hours later, the suicide attempt unfolded.
"I don't believe my intent was for this to happen. But, you know, unfortunately, in terms of stress, doing this job for 30 years, even though I always encourage wellness and stuff, I used to tell people jokingly, 'oh, I'll pay for it later.' Like all the pressures and things like that. I'll pay for it later. Well, the bill came sooner than I expected unexpectedly," Ramirez told NBC6. "And, you know, I can't really tell you why that happened, or what the intent was. I'm just thankful that my wife was there to save me because I wouldn't be here. You know, I didn't feel anything when it happened. I wasn't even really sure what happened. And once I was on the paramedic gurney, that's the last thing I remember 'til I was at the rehab facility."
Family and Community
Ramirez spent weeks recovering at the hospital in Tampa before being released. He was asked what he thinks would have happened to his family and community had he been successful in taking his life.
"I would have let my family down and my community down, I would have, it would have been devastating. As devastating as it is that I put her through this, and my family and having for them to be woken up at night to tell them that their father or their son or, or my department, my mayor, find out what happened to me. That's devastating," he said. "But if I wouldn't have been in their lives today, you know, I wouldn't be here to see my grandchildren grow and be next to my wife to enjoy the second part of our lives we worked so hard to achieve."
He added he's lucky to have only lost an eye.
"I try not to beat myself up for why this happened to me. I just try to build for the future. But I don't know, I guess, the bill came, the bill came and fortunately all I lost was my eye and some significant damage to my cranium, but it could have been life changing for everyone in my family," he said.
Stress and Police Work
At the time of his attempted suicide, Ramirez was not only dealing with his duties as police director, he was also in the middle of his campaign for the 2024 Miami-Dade sheriff's race. It's the first time since the 1960s that the county's top cop will be an elected position.
"I hate to use stress as a crutch. I mean, in my whole, especially the last five years of my leadership role, I've had to deal with the biggest challenges this county and this country has dealt with in law enforcement just with my fellow chiefs here in Miami-Dade County, around the country, you know, starting off from Superbowl, COVID, George Floyd, Surfside, gun violence, all the different, losing an officer, other officers being shot, you know, and you're running police, fire, emergency management, you know, and then now you're running for sheriff and I have a family at home, that, you know, I didn't tend much to because I was in the Freddie persona," he said.
Ramirez had announced in September that he was dropping out of the 2024 Miami-Dade sheriff's race. He was one of 10 candidates but had been considered by many to be the front-runner, and enjoyed support from the law-enforcement community as well as top administration at county hall.
Miami-Dade Mayor Daniella Levine Cava announced earlier this month that Ramirez was returning as a senior advisor to help with the transition from a police director to a sheriff.
"I was enjoying running for sheriff but, you know, I believe in my police department, in my community, and I wanted to keep its values and its prestige and its image going forward, even in its new transition," he said. "Fortunately, I'll still have that opportunity to do so, to have influence with that, which I'm very thankful for. But, you know, just maybe this happened for a reason to save me and my family, my well being, you know, that's the way I look at it, you know, and that's how you have to cope with it. The key is that I'm here and I still have a lot to give to my family and to my community."
Therapy
Ramirez said he's been going through therapy since the suicide attempt, something he says he advocated for but never previously sought out.
"Well, I've always been a big proponent for wellness, when I became director, we created a whole section for that, you know, with clinicians, and it was built in with the training and early identification processes. And, you know, I always pushed that to my folks, but I immuned myself from it, you know," he said. "And I thought, from the first days of being an officer, like I, guys would have pictures of the kids in the cars, I don't have anything, I would separate myself, Freddie from work, Freddie from home. And even in the end, this role, the same thing, you know, you start thinking that you're invincible, you know, I'll take care of it later, I got a work task in hand, this has to happen, you know, trying to achieve these goals and keep everybody feeling united in the community, no matter what their differences are."
Ramirez said previously he had other ways of coping with the job.
"I never sat and talked to anybody, you know, I never did, you know, unfortunately, you know, talking for me was a glass of wine, you know, wine, stuff like that, to be able to, you spend all day, up up, with coffee, Red Bull, workout, do all this stuff, and then at night, crash yourself," he said. "So and then sleep with one eye open, one ear, because the phone rings because something is gonna go bump in the night in the county, and then you start all over again. And you don't you don't check yourself, you may think you're the strongest person in the world. And like I told you, the bill came early."
He said the therapy he's been undergoing has helped him not only with work but also with family issues.
"The hour I speak to the therapist is very helpful, because it helps you unpack, not only the work pressures, that lifestyle, but at home, things of that nature that you know, police officers, we put ourselves in a box, you know, I mean, but unfortunately, when you take the uniform off, you still bring the stuff from the street into the into the home, you know, or the stresses," he said. "So, you know, hopefully one day I can help others with this, you know. You know, I ran the largest police department, southeastern United States, and, you know, it stung me. So, it humbled me and I consider myself a humble person. But this really did knock down the invincibility."
Relationship with Levine Cava
Ramirez also spoke about his relationship with Levine Cava, who went to Tampa to be by his side and with his family back in July.
"Oh she's great. I mean, not just as, you know, my boss and a leader of this community, but she's a genuine person. From what I understand, she flew up that that night at the hospital with my boys, and, you know, was at my wife's side," Ramirez said. "She's been phenomenal and gracious enough to help me continue the teamwork that we had and focus on what's important, the community, but I'm also going to focus on something I didn't focus a lot on, my family as well, you know, and make space for that in between my work responsibilities as I start tailing off in my career, but she has been amazing, amazing, very genuine person."
Trusted With A Gun
Ramirez was also asked about firearms after what happened back in July.
"Can you be trusted with a gun?" he was asked.
His answer was "absolutely," and said the public should not have any concerns.
"All I could do is tell them, hey, go look at my track record. I know I went through, like I told the mayor, I fell down, you know, carrying a whole bunch of stuff. And I slipped and fell," he said. "But I learned from that moment. I don't know what my intention was at that moment. But I could tell you, I would never want to put my family or anyone through that again."
He also lifted the patch over the right side of his face where he's now missing an eye.
"What reminds me and I always tell people, when they ask me, is that when I wake up in the morning, this reminds me," he said. "So no, that's not going to happen."
Advice for New Sheriff
Ramirez was asked if he had any advice for the person who will be taking over the department next year.
"All I could do is provide my wisdom of running the sixth largest police department in the country. The experiences that I went through, I've done every rank in this police department, I've learned, I've grown, you still learn as you move on," he said. "I'll do whatever I'm asked to do by the administration and obviously in the best interest of our community and my beloved police department and my officers and civilian employees, everybody who works so hard each and every day."
Message To Community
Following his suicide attempt there was a tremendous outpouring of support from the community for Ramirez, who's been with the department for nearly 30 years.
He said he was thankful and hoped to pay back the community.
"I'm so thankful for for the support. You know, I'm also sorry that I put you all through this and my family, but I could tell you that I have a lot to give. And I'm gonna give my all until they want me here, as long as I'm here to to ensure that we protect our family here in Miami-Dade County," he said. "You know, I'm very thankful for the mayor to give me that opportunity. And I'm extremely thankful to my wife and I know she has my back like she's had all this time and that's why I could tell you that's not gonna happen again."
